Since this is my first post on Wednesday Morning Coffee, I decided to dedicate this article to the epic movie “How to lose a guy in 10 days”. Truth be told, I could tell you how to lose a guy in 10 seconds, but I guess that wouldn’t be helpful, really! Therefore, after much thought, consideration and a gin and tonic, I gathered my thoughts only to come up with how to have a healthy, long lasting relationship – okay, I can’t guarantee that you’ll end up marrying the guy, but I can assure you that you’re keeping him for more than 10 days!
So, if there is one thing I’ve mastered in my life is long term relationships. Alright, that’s a lie, but I’m quite good on giving advice on this, I swear! Just sit back, grab a cup of coffee and read carefully:
- Be honest about your feelings: In my opinion, this is THE most important aspect in a relationship. If you’re not being honest about your feelings with your partner, you’re basically not being honest with yourself. Many times we choose to just not say anything and expect the other person to guess the way we feel about a certain incident or a situation in general. Guess what happens? Your partner may believe you are thinking and feeling something completely different to what you actually are, and trust me: THIS IS NOT GOOD. Just let him know about your feelings; it’s so much easier than just letting him make inaccurate perceptions of your thoughts.
- If you love them, let them know: This could be mentioned in the previous paragraph, but to me it’s just so important that I had to give emphasis on this one. There is nothing wrong with letting him know that you love him. It’s never too early and definitely never too late to say the “L word”. Your work doesn’t end there! You have to keep in mind that love takes a hell lot of effort and constant work to express it correctly.
- Don’t lose yourselves on the way: You don’t need to be cheering with him in the front row of every football match if you’re not into sports and he shouldn’t be forced to watch “The Notebook” for the fiftieth time with you just because you feel like it. Give yourselves some personal time and space. Don’t give up on your hobbies and don’t feel bad for taking some time to see your friends and your family alone. You don’t need to meet his family if you don’t feel ready and – GEZ! – don’t make him pose for your Instagram photos if he’s not a social media freak like you. You know, it took me ages and a couple of thousand euros in therapy to realise that the relationship with yourself is the most important one in your life and it’s the foundation of any other relationship. It’s so important to prioritise and nurture it no matter what. Don’t abandon yourself and don’t lose your identity in the name of love – that’s not the point!
- Learn to say “sorry”: I know it’s a five-letter word, but apparently the 85% of the population of the world finds it quite difficult to say it when they need to. Apparently, I’m one of them, so I’ve literally just googled “how to apologise” and it was quite helpful:
- The best way to apologise is “quick and intense”. The longer you wait to apologise, the longer you prolong a conflict.
- Don’t say you’re sorry if you don’t mean it.
- Show genuine interest in why your partner is hurt.
- Sometimes, sorry isn’t enough. Actions speak louder than words, so sometimes you need to work on truly understanding why your partner feels hurt and try to change the pattern.
My ex would be so grateful if I just printed this list out and learned it off by heart!
- Just be yourself: It’s totally normal to keep your guard up and be scared to show your partner every aspect of yourself – I mean, who doesn’t?! You might find yourself toting along all sorts of rubbish and hiding parts of yourself on purpose because of the ideas you’ve lodged in your head from past relationships. I know it’s so much easier for you but it’s not very fair. Imagine the poor guy, to believe he’s dating Kate Middleton when in fact he’s dating the 2007 version of Britney Spears – not good, is it?
According to a very smart person whose quote I found on the web “Your quirks make you interesting, so don’t hide them just because you think it will put a guy off or make him think you’re weird. Weird is good, and having unique hobbies just makes you a more interesting, well-rounded person.” – Pretty cool quote I must say.
I’m not trying to be a smart ass here. I am not an expert on relationships and to be honest I don’t think anyone is. We’re all allowed to make mistakes, break promises and change our minds if we are not happy, so don’t worry if not everything goes as planned. Trust me, it’s not something a girls’ night out can’t fix!
xoxo,
Andrea
