People who know me are probably bursting into tears from laughter right now because I genuinely struggle with break ups. When it comes to ending a relationship with someone I care about, I go in denial mode right away; I become clingy as hell and I just won’t let go.
There’s that point in a relationship, where the whole world can tell that you’re not good for each other, but you keep telling yourself that things will eventually get better. Everyone around you tells you that you need to end the goddamn relationship, all the signs are there – and I mean, super bright flashing LED signs, but you still can’t see it or don’t want to see it.
- You don’t like yourself anymore: As human beings, we have many personalities. Of course, there’s always the fabulous side of you that everyone is familiar with, but there’s also the funny side of you, the vulnerable one, the kind and the not-so-fabulous side of yourself that you desperately try to hide from the world. There are so many shades of yourself and that’s normal. The only problem here is that unfortunately, our romantic partners have a very strong influence over these different shades of our personality. You know how colours look differently when lined up to each other? The same happens with people! If your relationship brings out the worst version of yourself, it’s time to let go. Nobody -ever- is worth to make you hide the fabulous, smiley, kind, caring and funny side of you. Ever!
- There’s no equal amount of effort: If one of you is literally carrying the whole relationship, that’s a pretty bright sign telling you that something’s wrong. Don’t get me wrong; I’m not saying that you have to put every little thing you do for your partner on a scale and compare with what they do for you. Each of us have a different way of showing love and affection, so try to communicate before you get upset for not receiving the amount of effort you’d like. However, you have to keep in mind that relationships require effort and commitment, so if you’re not perceiving either, then what’s the point, really?!
- You don’t feel special: One of the best things of being in a relationship is the solid belief that you are loved. The feeling that they choose you every day, no matter what, the affection, the compliments and the physical attraction have to be present in a relationship. Subjecting yourself to feeling not-loved on a daily basis should not be on the table. Life is hard enough, and I know for sure that there are days when you’re struggling to love yourself. On days like these, you shouldn’t have to convince your partner that you’re worthy of their love, too. Just, no!
- You love them, you just don’t like them anymore: Do you still admire the person sleeping next to you? Are you proud of their accomplishments? Do you like the way they treat people? Do you like the way they treat themselves? Are you okay with them being too shy or too loud? Do you like talking to them? Would you rather go alone to that dinner party? Are you annoyed of their behaviour? Are you embarrassed when you introduce them to people? Name three things that you like about them. If you’re struggling to do so, give yourself permission to find someone who lights your soul on fire. They’re out there.
When you realise that it’s time to end a relationship, take a deep breath and just say it out loud.
You’ll survive this, trust me!
xoxo,
Andrea
